Into every life some rain must fall

Another Wednesday, another weigh in. I'm not going to pretend I'm not disappointed to have seen an 8oz gain when I got on the scale this morning. It was to be expected after almost 2 weeks of being way under calories and now finally being able to get back up to 1200. It does not however make it any easier to take. Especially given all the changes I have been seeing and the fact that I feel amazing. It just seems so contradictory to how I feel. Having said that I should be thinking that the scale isn't what matters. As anyone with a weight issue knows however the scale is my master and it has given me a harsh beating this week after two weeks in a row of treating me like a queen. It's a harsh reality but I have to remember it's only 8oz not 8lbs so I should be happy. Averaging my weigh loss over three weeks it also has me on a 2lb a week average which is where I want to be so I guess I have to just take a deep breath and focus on the coming week. The past is done and each day is a new chance to improve. Off to Zumba tonight and I think I will be working my fanny extra hard tonight.

addictive personalities

I just had a thought this weekend and I figured I'd share. I have always believed myself to have an addictive personality. I tend to find things I like and I latch on with a vengeance. It has often been true with movies and books and I would even say food. In the almost 6 months since I have been eating in a more healthy way I can say I believe my food addition to be broken. I find eating more of a chore than a treat. I eat because I have to in order to survive and truthfully I like it better this way. Over the last few days I notice a new addiction forming. I believe that I am addicted to weight loss. Everyday now I am seeing changes in my body. Things I had grown miserably accustomed to are changing for the better and with the deepening of each curve and the thinning of each crease I find it gives me almost a high. Of all things I noticed my shins have thinned out and gained some muscle definition. My hips when laying on my side no longer have a hump but now form a smooth curve. The feeling is so far beyond the simple joys of seeing the reduced number on the scale. It seems over night people have begun to see the difference and I am thrilled to say the next size down has become loose. I wore my original size jeans this weekend (due to a need to do laundry) and they were so loose they almost fell down twice. I feel better than I have in so long it's mind boggling. My only concern is that I will not know when to stop. Like so many things in my life I worry that thin will not be thin enough for me. I have no doubt in my mind that I will succeed in losing all the weight. Now I fear that I will get too thin because I just won't be satisfied. I will always want to lose one more pound. For now I have plenty more to lose so I will try not to concern myself too much. Wow this is awesome. I wish everyone could feel this way.

what a week.

Hi,
  It's weigh in day again. This week I took off a somewhat startling 4.4lbs. My calorie intake has been much lower than it should be due to the fact that without a car I can only bring home as many groceries as I'm willing to walk a mile carrying. I'm sure walking all that way made a difference too. I also came down with a pretty bad cold that left me with a primary diet of tea. I guess it was a perfect storm of events but I'm concerned that one, I'm getting sick too often. So I think it's time to seriously consider that multivitamin. Secondly, I'm loosing too fast so I need to get a car (which I think I have found) because I need to get enough food so I can slow the loss back down to 2lbs a week. My worst fear is doing all this work only to find I'm left with a thin body and yards of baggy skin. I am feeling stronger though. I notice muscle definition in my legs which is nice. My jean's are beginning to get loose again so I will need to go shopping soon for another pair. I also hit another milestone in my plan which is 275lbs. That is such a huge number but coming from 335lbs it's a huge improvement. Of course with the scale change and the 2lb differential it's really a 57lb loss but that's nothing to scoff at. However, no matter how much better I feel I am in no way delusional enough to think that 275lbs is good. So I continue on.
M

Life sure knows how to kick you when your down.

Hi,
  Please forgive me if i'm a little depressing this week. My car died yesterday, as in I have to find a way to buy a new one died. It couldn't have come at a worse time because after taking my step daughter to school I have had no money. My kids are living off mac n cheese and ramen noodles and since I can't eat that it's a steady diet of cereal and brocolli for me. I lost 3lbs this week which is not as good as it would be if I were eatting enough. This has been one of the most stressful weeks of my life and that is really saying alot since I was a single mom for 3 years. Through all the trouble I am still doing my Zumba classes and it helps relieve alot of the stress. I would be a mess without that to look forward too. I'm also lucky to be blessed with a helpful family for support so at least I have a light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully next week I can buy some healthier food and we can all eat properly but until then the struggle continues. On the bright side the weight is still coming off and tomorrow for better or worse will be another day. Here's hoping next week brings a happier post.

50LBs Less!!

Pardon me if I ramble today but I haven't had a lot of sleep. I almost forgot to weigh in again this morning mostly because I forgot it was Wednesday. The holiday is messing with my head I guess. Anyway I lost another 1.6lbs which means I have reached a total of 50lbs lost. I'm pretty happy about that although I still have a long way to go this is very good progress. I don't know if it's because of the loss that I am noticing my spare tire more but my lower abdomen is making me crazy. That weight is by far the most annoying thing on my body at the moment. I'm hyper aware of it. This is an off week for Zumba which means I have no class for 2 weeks straight but when we start again next week we will be adding ab exercises. I'm really hoping this helps. I just want all this fat off me. I know it will take time and slow and steady wins the race but it's tiring. I just want to be thin. This fat feels gross. I'm surprised I didn't feel that before. I feel it hanging on me and I want it gone.