What to say.....when your in a downward spirl?

Hello, I have to say I'm at a loss for words. I gained 2.2lbs for the second week in a row. Looking back at the log I keep I am the same weight I was a month ago and 2lbs more than 2 months ago. I guess I wouldn't sweat 2lbs over 2 months if I didn't know that I should be about 15lbs less. I mentioned several posts ago that I was in a very dark place in my life. Sadly that has not improved and clearly my resolve has been shaken by the events that have occurred. That is why I need to keep writing. I will overcome this and I will continue to lose the rest of the weight. I think it's important to realize that life can be very difficult and when it is we will falter. In the end though as long as I don't quit on myself I will find a way to get back on track. I feel myself in that 'I just don't care' attitude. It's the reason I always said I can't be trusted. The ironic thing is I'm not eating bad and I'm still exercising. It's just the weekends when I drink too much and I eat things I shouldn't. Clearly though it is too much and I need to regain control. I have two weigh in days before I go to my family reunion. I am going to buckle down til then and try and take off as much as I can because I'm not taking my scale when I go and I know I'll put some weight on those next 2 weeks. So by this time next month if I'm lucky I'll weigh the same as I do now. So much work but I know it will be worth it. I just can't ever give up on myself. Until next week. Be well.
M

Think positive.....even when you feel like crap.

2lb gain this week. I'm killing myself with all this fluctuating over the last 2 months. I'm trying not to get discouraged. I have to stop the cheat days for a while. only problem is Friday is my son's graduation and I will be cheating but I think I have to scale it back to just a small piece of his graduation cake and order a salad at diner. Then I have to be on the straight and narrow until the family reunion next month. I know I'll be a mess then. 11 days with no formal exercise and no doubt eating bad. I will have to really buckle down after that. I do intend to bring my Zumba tapes with me though so hopefully I'll get some exercise and I'm hoping to do a whole lot of rowing, swimming and maybe hiking. I've been reading back over journal entries I made in the early days of this journey before I started this blog. It's funny to think I felt pretty much the same as I do now. I'm more disgusted with myself now though. I know that is kinda backwards but in the beginning I felt unhealthy but not really disgusted. Now I feel more healthy but I'm disgusted by the fat that just hangs on my body. I want to be under 200lbs so bad I can't stand it. It's been 20 years since I have been under that weight and I'm sick and tired of being this fat thing. It's awful to think I lost so much and I am still so big. I'll hope my discontent will be the catalyst for change. I think I may incorporate some leg lifts into my morning routine. I'm sure if I can just tighten up this lower abdomen I will feel much better about myself. Until next week..... Be Well.

Wow! That worked better than expected.

I lost 6.2lbs this week. After doing this for over a year I have to say I'm shocked I can still have such a big loss. I guess having gained for the last month I shouldn't be shocked. I am thrilled though. That puts me at 102lbs  lost. YAY!! It also means I am officially turning back that counter and forgetting the last 100 and starting from 2lbs. If anyone asks that's what I've lost 2lbs. :) I'm proud of my accomplishment but I don't really feel the need to advertise that i was once 100lbs heavier. That's just embarrassing. Especially when I'm still way over 200lbs and I have fat everywhere. I feel pretty awesome though. I've upped my weights a little at the gym and my core has a fairly pleasant tightening ache. I feel stronger. Muscles are my fat burning friends. I don't get these people that go to the gym and lift 20lbs. I don't want to be all muscular and bulky but I do want to build enough muscle to help burn the fat and make my body look toned. It's tightening up and people notice the difference better than they ever did with just weight loss. I have more energy and I feel great. I lift 50lbs for arms and chest and 80 to 170lbs for legs, back and core. I don't have any bulging muscles from that but i do have some definition which is nice. If anything does get bulky I'll just lower my weights. After all muscles are easy to lose. This weekend and next are cheat weekends so we'll see how I do. I really want to lose 10 more pounds by my family reunion next month. (especially because I will probably put 10lbs on while I'm there) Wish me luck!

Back to the basics.

This week has greeted me with a 4oz gain. Not bad considering last week and the insane cheat day I had on Saturday. Sunday I decided that it was time to start over. That thought is only confirmed by this weigh in which is the 5th week of gaining in 6 weeks. So I have returned to the 2 hour interval eating. Something I had been slacking on. I had taken to only have one snack in the morning and one in the afternoon. It really has to be two in order to keep my metabolism working in high gear. I've gone back to my daily cucumber. It's just one of those extreme low calorie snacks that just makes you feel good. I've gone back to putting a slice of lemon in my water which also just makes me feel good. As always my calories are limited to 1200 a day but i am eliminating the cheat day until i can get back to more steady weight loss. NO bread, NO cheese, and NO starch. Those are still the main rules. No fatty or greasy foods of course. I am already feeling better again. Next week should yield some improvement. Until then be well.