Eating myself to death.

I didn't write last week because i was too depressed to think about it. I lost 2 oz. but I shouldn't have. I have been out of control. This week I gained 5.2lbs which makes perfect sense for how I've been eating. I am tired all the time and I feel terrible. Everyday I look in the mirror and think why can't I stop and every night I say I just don't care. I'm in the worst possible place right now but I'm not going to stop writing because succeed or fail it's a struggle and it's important to know that. Also, for a long time I've been saying I'm not going to beat myself up about it but it's time to give myself some tough love. I need to beat myself a little. I'm eating myself to death slowly and I can feel it. My blood pressure is back up and I told my doctor I didn't want pills because I would control it with diet and exercise. So far I have been doing the opposite. I'm lost and I need to find my way back. I know it's not a matter of one day at a time but one choice at a time. I want to find my way back to the zone I was in when I started this whole thing but I know that I need to battle my way through a wall to do that. Until next week....be well.
M