Side note.

I woke up late this morning. Cold air is making it difficult to get out of bed. Not a great week. Mostly good but the bad days usually win on the scale. I'll check in tomorrow and let you all know how it went.
M

A renewal of committment.

This week I gained 1.6lbs. I’m not upset by this partly because it was sort of intentional. I took a week off. Not completely. I didn’t stick to my rules and I ate a number of things I shouldn’t have. I vegged out instead of going to the gym. I decided that my wavering commitment to losing all the weight needed a kick in the pants. So now that I gave myself an open window to give up on myself I have found that I don’t want too. I went back and looked at the progress I have made week to week. (Yes I keep a log) I found that I have been doing a lot of excess work. My pattern of 3 steps forward 1 step back and now 3 steps back and 1 step forward has meant that I spent a lot of time ‘re-losing’ weight. What I mean to say is that over the course of this journey I have actually lost 155.2lbs but I also gained 58lbs. So where I should now be within 60lbs of my main goal I instead still have to lose 116lbs. Although this is probably a good thing for my skin which has had time to make slow adjustments therefore not leaving me with piles of loose skin, it is still a boat load of unnecessary work. So, as of today I am recommitting myself to losing 116lbs more. Next week will show a loss and I will be back on the right path. Until then, be well.

M

4oz. of pure disappointment.

This week I gained 4oz. This by its self is not such a big deal but coupled with the fact that I haven’t lost any significant weight in the last 6 months is just sad. I’m struggling right now to stick to my own rules. I can see myself stress eating.  It never fills the void and yet I keep doing it.  I need to find a way to snap out of it. I’m so disappointed with myself. Although I’m within 6lbs of my lowest weight since I started this journey it feels like a great gaping distance. I’m in a very bad place. I’ve lost that determination to lose it all. I’m not sure why but I know this is a big turning point for me. I have to find my way to get back to where I was or I will gain it all back plus and end up dead within 5 years. I know this to be true.  It may sound dramatic but I feel I need to really be hard on myself or I’m going to slide back into old habits.  I’m sure the cold weather that has begun to creep in isn’t helping.  I also am feeling a little depressed. This is challenge time. It was inevitable that this time would come but this is where things get real. Getting past this hurdle will be the real achievement.  Until next week….be well.

M

Flatline----------------------

Flatline as in no change. I didn't lose but then again I didn't gain. Given the Chinese food last Wednesday and the popcorn on Thursday, the general awful eating on Friday and Saturday and the lack of going to the gym all week, I'd say that's nothing short of a miracle. Since Sunday I have gotten back on track. Sticking to my calories and my rules and finally returning to the gym. I'm starting to feel better again. I am in the right frame of mind. I'm very hopeful that next Wednesday will finally bring some results in my favor. I guess that all depends on how the weekend goes. Cross your fingers  for me. Until then......be well.
M

Floundering and annoyed with myself.

This week I lost 4oz. doesn’t feel like anything. I haven’t been going to the gym. I’ve had a hard time working it back into the routine. I feel awful today, like I just can’t get my act together. I was looking back at the last few months and as I well know I’ve been floundering in the same 10lb range for the last 4 months. Maybe this is my plateau of sorts. I need to do something but I’m not really sure what will help me get back in the swing. I want to lose 34 more pounds by Christmas. I really need to get determined to chase that number. I know my Dad dying made me lose some focus. Life has not been bliss for the last 4 months at home so I know I’m dealing with a lot but that’s life. If I’m going to really lose all the weight I need to learn to suck it up and not let emotional issues be an excuse. This week has to be a turn around. I know that I have to get moving again. I don’t want to hate the way I look and feel anymore. Even after all the success I’ve had I do still hate my body. If feels worse than ever. I’m more aware of the fat and I want it off. Now I need to make it happen. Be Well.

M

Welcome to the Hunger Games....

I am in my own arena fighting myself and losing. This week I came in with an 1.8lb. gain. This is certainly not the end of the world but definitely a step in the wrong direction. I made Wednesday my cheat day which paved the way for bad eating Wed. through Sun. My calf has proven to be a difficult injury to recover from and kept me out of the gym for the last week. At the end of it all it was a bad week. I did get a call from my doctor telling me that I no longer had to be on blood pressure medicine which is no small victory. She also told me that I shouldn’t be off my thyroid medicine and that it was probably making it harder for me to lose weight.  Funny to think I’ve lost 100lbs the hard way.  So tomorrow I will start back on my medication. May that will get me out of this weird funk that has left me basically in the same place I was in back in April. I really don’t want to have to deal with loose skin so I will have to be careful that I don’t start to lose too quickly but putting two weeks together of some real weight loss sure would feel good about now.  She told me that being off the medicine was probably making me sluggish which kind of makes sense since all the added energy I was seeing before seems to have disappeared. I’m hoping that next week will bring good things. I’m looking to get below 200lbs by Christmas. That gives me 4 months to lose 30+ pounds. I think I can.  Until then……Be well.

M

Doctor visits, torn muscles, and other fun things.

Another week over and I’m last to post. I went to my doctor for the first time in almost a year. I don’t usually go so long between visits but we had some scheduling conflicts. Anyway, needless to say she was very happy with my weight loss. It was a good ego boost. I tore my calf muscle during Zumba which has made my exercise routine difficult to say the least. I lost another 2lbs this week so that leaves me still up 4.6lbs since before vacation but back under the 100lb loss mark.  I look forward to shedding the remaining 4.6lbs and continuing on. I feel like I have been stuck in this fluctuating pattern for the last few months and it’s time to get some real movement going. If I can continue to lose 2lbs a week I will be within 20lbs of my goal by next April which would be the 2 year mark. That’s what I’m shooting for now.

Until next week…..be  well.